Body

i bled again today

i bled for the first time in 6 years

fingertip dipped

smells like 

minerals 

sweet rust 

metallic 

petrichor

i smell fresh 

washed away 

earthworms

exactly how I remembered

but this time 

i love it 

dry wine funk

nose drunk

body

hungover from dark winters

the arms of spring’s first dawn

at last

tears that never come bled into chlorinated shower water this morning 

calloused hands soothed thick skin 

homecoming steam

new way of being in this body 

again 

welcome back

easy to love

this body 

my body

eyelids heavy

body aching from creation and loss

sit a spell

no time has past 

Full 

today i broke the swell

mind forgotten crescendo

the body knows how

before tending i sat it in my viscousness to write of her

nourished and cleansed 

grief the color of blood and tears move through and out of me

into my boxer briefs

calming the vibration of a tragic end

left with the love of her

i bled again today 

first time in 6 years 

body in rhythm with full moon

again

not bad for half a decade’s estrangement 

butternut stain on white quilted toilet paper

shared blood and pain are not synonymous with impending death

close to this body again

sobbing childlike urgency

i found home in it for the first time 

again 

today I will sit in my red power 

it’s been 2-ish months since my last shot of testosterone 

it’s been 6 years since i have sat in my blood 

today i slide thick palm back and forth across cramping belly 

quivering smile of appreciation 

for this body 

for my body

for my menstruating body wrapped like sunshine under masculine skin for 42 years